A Christmas Letter

The anniversary of a tragedy can be an extremely difficult time for survivors, as the calendar reminds us again of the painful loss of a loved one. Family holidays can also be distressing as they can emphasize what is now missing and can never be replaced. Despite the fact that Dad had been killed on December 27 (see The Unthinkable Happens), Mom was determined that Christmas remained a joyful time for our family. Despite the difficulties over the years, Mom was able to show us how to continue to celebrate Christmas without forgetting Dad. Mom did this by helping us build on the traditions Dad had given us as we incorporated new traditions in the subsequent years. Thanks to Mom, Christmas has remained to be my absolute favorite time of the year and my memories of Dad are a big part of it. 

As a tribute to Dad, over the years I continue to use the same style of C7 bulbs as Dad had used to light our Christmas tree when I was a young boy. Just as Dad had done, I would replacing the broken and burned-out bulbs with bulbs that randomly blinked or twinkled. The bulbs that twinkled were not only more expensive, the supply of the blinking bulbs was very limited, and quickly sold out, so finding them was always a challenge (there was no internet) and purchasing them was a luxury. I can still remember the excitement of finding them in the store and watching Dad add each of the blinking bulbs to the string of lights for our Christmas tree. Today I can feel Dad’s delight and his continued influence on my life as I watch every bulb on our Christmas tree randomly blinking the colors of blue, red, amber, and green. 

For those that do not remember C7 bulbs, in this photo of our Christmas tree with three C7 bulbs flashing on (blue, red, & green) while other have cycled off (i.e., blue in lower right). There are also three of the silver bells along with a few of the ornaments.

When I married my wife, we decided that we would add a small engraved silver bell each year to our tree as we loved the Bing Crosby’s Christmas carol “Silver Bells“. At first you could hardly notice the randomly placed bells on our tree. As the years quickly passed, we now have over 35 silver bells to reminding us of the time we have been bless to be together. In addition, my wife has collected an ornament from nearly every place our family has traveled so that now every ornament on our tree includes a memory that our family has been blessed to share over the years. Thanks to my mom, our Christmas tree is full of wonderful memories that we experience each year beginning with thoughts of Dad as we first stringing the lights on the tree, and then add the silver bells, followed by the various ornaments. 

After Mom died this summer, my sister was looking through some of her old things and she found a Christmas letter that Mom had shared almost thirty years ago. After Mom had helped develop and adapt the peer support model for the newly formed advocacy organization known as Concerns of Police Survivors (COPS), Mom led workshops provided by COPS for several years and served on COPS’s national board for two year (1994-1995). In 1994, Mom shared the following letter to “Fellow Survivors” as an example of how our family had continued to overcome some of our bleakest moments from which wonderful new memories emerged as the loving spirit of Christmas endures.   

Hope this Christmas season can bring joy to your lives as we share the memories of the love that we have been blessed to have known as this love continues to reemerge providing the brightest of lights shining through our darkest moments. God Bless!

---

Copyright © The content of these pages is strictly for the personal use of family members. Any publication, or reproduction, of any of the content found in these pages without the expressed consent of C. Carpenter and the contributors is prohibited.